“We just cannot be—or even call ourselves—a disciple of Christ if we are not helping others along that path. The gospel of Jesus Christ does not marginalize people. People marginalize people. And we must fix that.” ~ Carol F. McConkie
The Preface:
Happy LGBTQIA+ PRIDE month to all my LGBTQIA+ brothers and sisters. At the start of this PRIDE month, I feel that it is time to be true to myself — time to take off the mask — and let the world know that I am also a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. I identify as gay (He/Him/His).
Yes, I am a gay Latter-day Saint. That may surprise some people but may not come as a surprise to others. Some people have probably suspected it all along but have been too kind and too polite to ever ask about it. Now you know the reason that I passionately support same-sex relationships and same-sex marriages. That is also why, at 64 years young, I have never considered marriage — at least not to a female.
I apologize in advance that this is rather long, but I felt inspired to share my story and some of my thoughts with the group to give everyone a better idea of where I stand on the LGBTQIA+ issue. I hope that my story will be of help to others in some small way. Please read to the end, and please keep all comments civil. Thank you!
Chapter 1:
“There are worse things in the world than a boy who likes to kiss other boys.” ~ Benjamin Alire Sáenz
The reality is that I have known that I am gay from a very young age. All through my school years, I never had any real “connection” or “attraction” to females. Please don’t misunderstand me. I enjoy the friendship with females, but I have never had a girlfriend because I have never been attracted to females in that way. I have always had, and still have, a stronger sexual attraction toward males.
While other boys were talking about girls and having girlfriends, I was more interested in the boys and thought about having a boyfriend. I had to suppress those feelings as much as possible because being queer back then, when I was growing up, was even less “acceptable” than it is today.
Being a person of color and being a queer male was even more dangerous. I would not have been accepted even by my own “community.” And sadly, even in 2022, there are still some Black communities that do not accept the fact that one of their own, especially a Black male, is a member of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Being gay and proclaiming to be a Christian (I was a Baptist before I became a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in March 1998) was also considered unacceptable. As far as some “Christians” were concerned (and some still are), being gay is only worthy of the fires of hell and eternal damnation. So, for all my growing up years, I wore “the mask of the false bravado” and pretended to be a “straight guy” when all the time I knew deep in my heart and soul that I was sexually attracted to males.
I even went to my high school prom, not because I really wanted to, but because I wanted to save face and appear to be like the other guys. Honestly, I could have stayed home and been perfectly fine with that. I didn’t even get my own prom date. A friend (a girl) asked her sister if she would go with me. She was a nice girl, but I knew that the “date” was all a façade and I just wanted to get the night over. Nothing happened between us afterward, not even a goodnight kiss. Had being gay been more “acceptable” and if I could have asked one of the guys in school whom I knew was also gay to go to the prom with me, I would have been more comfortable with the entire evening and would have had a more enjoyable time.
Chapter 2:
“Never be bullied in silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.” ~ Harvey Fierstein
Fast forward to March 1981. At 22 years of age, I left home and joined the United States Navy. Living in a barracks with nothing but other guys for several months, I found that my sexual attraction for other guys grew even stronger. However, I was once again forced to suppress those feelings.
After Bootcamp was over, and I had a little more liberty to explore San Diego, California, where I was stationed at the time, I soon discovered some of the prominent “gay hot spots,” including the local YMCA (where I spent many a night), adult bookstores with many gay magazines and videos, and the famous gay bathhouses.
Although I had been taught all my life that sex should only be between a married couple (male and female), I finally gave in to my desires. For my own mental health sake, I decided to end my misery and frustrations by meeting other gay guys. I figured that I was far enough away from home that no one would ever find out. Even though I had been taught that same-sex attractions are “taboo,” I found that being sexually involved with another guy made me feel much happier and complete as a person.
I want to emphasize that during all of this, I never lost my faith in God. I still attended church on Sundays, albeit I attended as a closeted gay person. In the church that I attended when I was stationed in Virginia, I cannot begin to tell you how many anti-gay sermons I sat through. The pastor of the church seemed to find some way to preach strongly against gays and homosexuality every Sunday morning and evening. Nevertheless, I stayed in the church and was even a Sunday School teacher and attended Bible college.
Serving aboard a Navy ship where there is nothing but other guys around 24-7 for months at a time can be a real frustrating experience for a gay guy. There were some guys on the ship who made it blatantly obvious that they were gay, but I did everything that I could to keep that part of my life as low-key as possible. However, once we hit port — if I were not out with friends from the ship — while other guys were off to “entertain” ladies, I went off in search of the local gay hangouts to meet up with other gay guys. That type of lifestyle went on for several years. I never had a real boyfriend per se, nevertheless, I still knew what it was like to be sexually involved with guys. I found each sexual encounter to be more satisfying than the last, and more enjoyable than any sexual encounters that I had ever had with females. When I was with a guy, it always felt normal and natural to me. I felt that I could finally be my authentic self.
Chapter 3:
Fast forward again to the year 1997. Shortly after my beloved mother passed away in June 1997, at the young age of 59 from breast cancer, I decided to re-investigate The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. By this time, I was stationed in Keflavik, Iceland. I had met with missionaries before leaving home for the military back in 1981 but had put all that on the shelf for a later time. To make an already long story short, I met with missionaries for almost a year before deciding to be baptized.
I should also point out that several years before I even started re-investigating the Church, I had made the decision to live a celibate lifestyle. I also want to emphasize that deciding to live a celibate lifestyle was strictly My Choice and not because of religious teachings. After living an active gay lifestyle for some time, the decision was not necessarily an easy one to make. I want to make it abundantly clear that living a celibate lifestyle WILL NOT and DOES NOT work for every person. I also want to make it emphatically clear that living a celibate lifestyle should always be a personal choice and not something that is dictated or mandated.
I still live a celibate lifestyle, but please understand, that does not mean that I am no longer sexually attracted to males because I am. It is my strong faith in God that helps me to continue to live a celibate lifestyle.
I am being totally transparent in saying that there is still a strong desire inside of me to want to find a guy to spend the rest of my life with and to enjoy a normal, healthy life just like a heterosexual couple. After all these years of living a celibate lifestyle, I have considered at times, to start dating guys. If I were to meet the right guy, I honestly believe that I would strongly consider marrying him and living my life as a happy and complete gay man.
Again, being totally transparent, I could never see myself in a mixed-orientation marriage. In my mind, I would be living a total LIE and openly inviting misery and unhappiness into my life. I also do not believe that it is fair to the heterosexual partner to have to make those types of adjustments in her life. Please note that just because a gay guy marries a heterosexual woman, it does not automatically make him “straight.” Same-sex attractions and desires still exist. At least that is my humble opinion. I do not speak for anyone who is presently in a mixed-orientation marriage.
Chapter 4:
Having lived on “both sides of the fence” on this issue, my heart aches for people of the LGBTQIA+ community who want to live happy lives and enjoy some of the same things that heterosexuals do. I can understand the frustration that those in the military who are LGBTQIA+ must feel at times and the fears that often surround their lives. I literally know and understand that kind of pain. My heart also aches for people who find themselves torn between following the dictates of religion and trying to live a happy, healthy, and complete life.
Chapter 5:
“We deserve to experience love fully, equally, without shame, and without compromise.” ~ Elliot Page
At this juncture, I just want to say that there comes a time when we need to separate “religion” from reality. Religion, has never, does not now, nor will it ever grant salvation to anyone. I have now read the Bible 13 times in its entirety, the Book of Mormon 12 times in its entirety, and the Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price 12 times each in their entirety. Nowhere have I ever read that we are saved by a “religion.” What I have read is, “Neither is there salvation in any other; for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved” (Acts 4:12). I boldly testify that that precious name is Jesus Christ. THERE IS NO OTHER NAME! I have also read, “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:8-10).
No, we are not saved by any “religion.” “For we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do” (2 Nephi 25:23, Book of Mormon). A person can live under whatever umbrella of “religion” that they so choose. It is not the “religion” that saves them. It is their personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
I am forever grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me for who I am – the way that He created me. I worship Him and not a “religion,” religious institution, or any church leaders – past, present, or future. My hope, my faith, my trust, and my confidence are in the Lord Jesus Christ. Him and Him alone!! He is the only One worthy of ALL praise and adoration! He made me and many other LGBTQIA+ persons the way that we are for His purposes and for reasons known only to Him. I KNOW that He loves me and cares for me and my well-being and nothing else in this world really matters.
Chapter 6:
If men are that they might have joy, then why do so many people, especially “Christians,” exert so much energy trying to destroy the joy that a person has or yearns to have in their life? What makes any of our lives so perfect that we can even begin to think that we have been granted a God-given right to dictate what brings others joy and what does not? Have we forgotten the words of the hymn that says, “Who am I to judge another when I walk imperfectly?”
We have so often heard the quote, “If you judge someone you have no time to love them,” yet it is so easy for some people (and yes, that includes some Latter-day Saints) to sit in judgment on other people because their lifestyle is different than their own. It becomes so easy for some people to try and force others to live a life that is a complete lie, instead of accepting them for who they are. I am so thankful that Our Heavenly Father is a God of Love and Agency and not a God of force or coercion.
Chapter 7:
“Love him and let him love you. Do you think anything else under heaven really matters?” ~ James Baldwin
For those who preach that being LGBTQIA+ is an abomination, I direct your attention to a verse of scripture in the Bible. Proverbs 6: 16-19, says, “These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a[n] heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.” Given that, it seems to me that we who are members of the LBGTQIA+ community are not the only ones who supposedly commit abominations, now are we?
The Epilogue:
My dear brothers and sisters, yes, it is beyond time that we learn to separate “religion” from “reality” and give a little more credence to “reality.” Albeit “religion” can be our “reality” so long as it does not cloud our vision and hinder us from accepting the “reality” of any given situation.
Let us let “justice” be our byword of the day and not “judgment.” Let us see the true beauty of justice as we learn to love and have a heart full of compassion and understanding for those whom we deem do not fit into a proverbial societal mold and therefore, somehow, are unworthy of our love.
I am reminded that in John 12: 34-35, we read, “A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”
So, above all, let us stop being so harsh, critical, ruthless, and heartless in judging others because we deem that their sins are greater than our own. Before we sit in judgment on one of our brothers or sisters, let us first take a long, hard, glaring look at the person who looks back at us in the mirror. I think that we will find that that person is far from perfect. We are all striving for perfection but none of us can declare to be perfect.
Nevertheless, the beauty of it all is that God loves ALL of us individually and unconditionally. Whether we are heterosexual or LGBTQIA+, we are ALL children of the same loving Heavenly Father — we are ALL His sons and His daughters.
God gave each of us our lives to live as we deem best for ourselves. We should never have to live our lives according to how others think that we fit into their proverbial molds.
Yes, I am a gay man, but more importantly, I am a child of God. Every LGBTQIA+ person is first and foremost a child of God. Thus, if we profess to be Christians, that makes them our brothers and sisters.
Somewhere, it seems to me that I read, “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” (1 John 4:20)
Whether heterosexual or LGBTQIA+, let us come together and reason together, have more compassion for, and understanding of, one another, and let us LOVE one another!
Yes, I am a gay Latter-day Saint (He/Him/His)
by: Keith Lionel Brown
Leave a Reply